Much of the pain and misfortune in life stems from the vast gap between what we expect of the world and ourselves, and the reality we face. When faced with circumstances beyond our control, we frequently experience feelings of helplessness and despair.Psychologist Viktor Frankl recounted his experiences in Nazi concentration camps in Man’s Search for Meaning.He lost his wife, brother, and parents—only he and his sister survived. As a psychologist, he observed that in the face of extreme suffering, people interpreted the same events in vastly different ways, and these interpretations directly affected their ability to endure.

For most of us, pain and challenges in life also often arise from misinterpreting our external circumstances. We may not be able to change the environment around us, but if we can change our attitude and response, we can ease the pressure we feel inside. In fact, the key to our emotional experience lies not in the situation itself, but in how we interpret it—and that can come down to the very first 90 seconds after a challenge arises.

The 90-Second Shift: The Critical Moment for Emotions

Imagine this: one day you feel offended, scolded by your parents, or criticized by your boss. In such moments, we usually have two choices. The first is to let the brain react on autopilot, quickly spiraling into an emotional storm. This reaction is often a habit learned over many years—and it is this habitual response that becomes the root of much of our present suffering.

The second choice is to pause and reflect calmly within the first 90 seconds of feeling that emotion. Research shows that when we face an external threat—whether physical or psychological—our brain automatically triggers a defense mechanism, releasing hormones to put us into “fight or flight” mode. This bodily response usually fades within roughly 90 seconds.If we can remain calm and avoid reacting immediately during this time, the intensity of our emotions will decrease significantly, and we can avoid being led by them.

The 90-Second Experiment: Experiencing Emotional Change Firsthand

You can try a simple experiment to understand this process. Find a quiet place, start a stopwatch, and recall a painful memory or hurtful remark someone once made. Focus on observing the changes in your emotions, from the initial surge to gradual calm. You’ll notice that while emotions may flare up intensely, they begin to fade after about 90 seconds. This shows that emotions are not permanent—they are temporary and can be consciously managed.

Once you’ve experienced this, the next time you feel an emotional wave, you can remind yourself: “This is only temporary—I don’t have to let it dictate my decisions.” By controlling your reactions within those 90 seconds, you shift from being a slave to your emotions to being their master.

The Emotional Loop: Why We Get Stuck in Our Feelings

Emotions often perpetuate themselves through automatic brain responses. When we encounter a trigger, the brain releases emotional chemicals within 90 seconds, producing reactions like fear or anger. The problem is, if we choose to keep engaging with those emotions, we enter a loop—anger feeds more anger, anxiety fuels more anxiety. In this cycle, our thoughts and emotions keep amplifying until they become ingrained behavioral patterns, affecting our quality of life.

Over time, these emotional loops don’t just shape our thinking—they shape our actions. When we repeatedly dwell in the same emotional and thought patterns, they become deeply imprinted in our subconscious, turning into automatic responses. Eventually, much of our life operates under the unconscious control of emotions, trapping us in recurring distress.

Shifting from Reaction to Action: Taking Control of Your Emotions

Recognizing the temporary nature of emotions is the key to mastering them. The 90-second rule teaches us to pause during moments of intense emotion, giving ourselves space to cool down and reflect. This helps us avoid overreacting and enables us to make more rational, mature decisions.

Through consistent practice and increased self-awareness, anyone can slowly free themselves from the hold of their emotions.The moment we realize that emotions are not inevitable reactions, but choices we can shape and adjust, we begin the transformation from being ruled by emotions to ruling over them. By mastering the power of those first 90 seconds, we discover that the challenges and hardships in life are often far less overwhelming than we once imagined.